2023 has been a tough year for me. It began in January when my 97-year-old father’s health began to seriously deteriorate. And after many trips back and forth from Denver to New York, it was clear that the end was near. He passed away on May 18. It was a long life well-lived, but still, a big loss for everyone who knew him.
Then on the day before the funeral, when we were flying from my son’s business school graduation in Washington DC to New York, my husband received the final diagnosis of his recent health problem. He had multiple myeloma, cancer of the plasma cells, which seriously affects the body’s immune system. After the funeral, three shivas, and a couple of days of cleaning out my dad’s condo, we flew back to Denver. My husband would begin treatment. This included a regimen of twice-a-week infusions of a targeted drug therapy for three months. It was supposed to be followed by a stem cell transplant in October. Only in September, he contracted West Nile virus.
I am not making this up. And for those of you who are unfamiliar with the disease, West Nile is no joke. You get it from a mosquito bite. And although Colorado is known for its dry climate and lack of bugs, this year was different. We had an unusually large amount of rain and much warmer fall temperatures. There were swarms of mosquitoes. Colorado actually had the most cases in the entire country! West Nile can cause a high fever, excruciating headache, tremors, brain fog, paralysis, meningitis or worse. My husband had the first four symptoms. And with his compromised immune system, the virus took hold in a big way. He was hospitalized for two days and sick for five weeks. The stem cell transplant was postponed.
And then in October, the world went crazy. Hamas attacked Israel and a violent war erupted. Anti-Semitism around the world and on college campuses, including my own college campus, reared its ugly head and shook us to the core. It was soul-crushing, complicated, terrifying.
But we had to keep going. My husband slowly recovered from West Nile. Family members flew in to help. Our friends baked and cooked. My morning dog-walking group provided an arena for venting and processing whatever was on my mind. But the biggest distraction of all, was my writing. It became my refuge, my emotional escape hatch, my joy.
Before my dad died and my husband was diagnosed, I serendipitously signed up for the Highlights Foundation online class, “Just Do It” in April. https://inthewritersweb.com/2023/06/. This class became a lifeline of structure and support during my most difficult months – May and June. It pushed me to get up and work on my novel. Every single day. I was moving along at a clip and decided to apply to the “The Whole Novel Workshop,” an in-person retreat at the idyllic Highlights campus in Pennsylvania. I wasn’t sure if this was going to work with my husband’s transplant schedule, but he really wanted me to go. He thought it would be good for me to do something for me. And as it turned out, the transplant was scheduled for the week after I returned from Highlights. The timing was perfect. Our sons flew home to be with my husband while I spent a week in the “Renee Watson cabin,” surrounded by talented writers, inspirational faculty, and the award-winning Highlights cuisine. Oh, and let’s not forget the pair of roosting bald eagles, the white-tailed deer meandering past my cabin, and a rusty red-colored forest right out my window! It was perfect.
There were other ways my writing supported me in a big way. I continued meeting with my always amazing critique group, The Story Spinners, twice a month. Members of my Tuesday writing group, The Nanos, stepped up to host, since I could no longer have people in my house because of my husband’s compromised immune system. I also joined two new online groups: an accountability group from my “Just Do It” class and a critique group of Jewish writers from around the world. I completed my nine years of being the PAL LIAISON for the RMC-SCBWI by moderating the industry panel at the annual Letters & Lines Conference in September and was asked to moderate two more panels at the Denver Festival of Stories, sponsored by Second Star to the Right Book Shop and the non-profit Books To Kids in October. I even got to introduce the keynote speaker, Bruce Cameron!
“Thinking about my writing” also relieved daily stress. I would take walks and ask myself: How can I strengthen my main character’s arc by throwing more obstacles in her way? Is there a better way to describe the setting? What plot twists will surprise my reader? Throwing myself into the world of my books gave me a constructive outlet when I felt overwhelmed, frustrated, or deflated. It was the best way to reflect, regroup, and recharge.
Despite the challenges of the past year, I do have some good news. After 18 days in the hospital, my husband is coming home. Today! The stem cell transplant was successful. He still has months of healing ahead, but we are moving forward. Our younger son earned his MBA and has started a new job. Our older son continues his humanitarian work around the world and is engaged to be married. One niece got married and another had a baby – the first child of the next generation of our family. One of my manuscripts was a finalist for the Golden Pen Award at the RMC-SCBWI Letters & Lines Fall Conference. And my latest novel, the one I workshopped at Highlights, received glowing feedback. It wasn’t easy, but I made it through 2023. And leaning into my life as a writer was a big part of this accomplishment.
How has writing helped you through a personal challenge? Please share your story in the comments.
Rondi Sokoloff Frieder: A very long time! This is actually a great story. Back in 2000, my school principal said I needed to do something with my writing. I had been teaching kindergarten and first grade for over 20 years and loved writing plays, raps and short stories with my students. When I told my brother I was thinking about writing for children, he told me his son (my nephew) had a friend at school whose mother did something with children’s books. He suggested I email her. And guess what? It was Lin Oliver, the co-founder of SCBWI!!! I immediately joined and went to the LA conference that summer. I’ve been a member ever since.
RSF: I absolutely love all the PAL events. Our authors and illustrators are a delight to work with and our programs are inspirational and informative. But if I had to pick my most favorite thing of all, it would be moderating a panel at CCIRA. I’ve used a variety of formats from Speed Dating with authors, illustrators and teachers to opening for keynote speaker, John Schu, librarian extraordinaire and former Ambassador of School Libraries for Scholastic Book Fairs. For the past two years, I’ve led an actual session at the conference and this year’s was over-the-top incredible! We had sixteen authors and illustrators present to a packed room of teachers and librarians. Their anecdotes took us from laughter to tears as we learned about the “stories behind the books.” I was so proud of our literary rockstars!
They’re apparently made of a softer rubber and have a unique tread that’s designed to literally push the snow out of your way. They sounded perfect, so we ordered them.
